Browsed by
Category: Mental Illness

Anxiety. The Fear of It. ?>

Anxiety. The Fear of It.

This post was brought to you in partnership with Bupa. It hit me as soon as I agreed to write a piece for Bupa about anxiety. That clenching knot in my stomach. That tightness in my chest. My heart started to race. My brain began to weave the lies that anxiety spins. “You can’t do this.”  “Why did you say yes?” “You will let everyone down.” I stare at the blank computer screen and will it away. I could laugh…

Read More Read More

This one time when running saved my life… ?>

This one time when running saved my life…

And no, I wasn’t being chased by a bear. I have never been proud of myself. I have never felt that I made anyone else proud. I was smart. I got good grades at school. I aced my VCE and got in to Melbourne Uni. I never felt proud though. Most people saw me as just a ditsy dumb blonde. So many people told me that Cher from Legally Blonde reminded them of me. I cared too much about what other…

Read More Read More

Pieces of Me. {R U OK?} ?>

Pieces of Me. {R U OK?}

R U OK? I mean really? Are you OK? Because even if you think that you should be OK, even if life is just how it should be, even if you are so damned determined to be OK, even if every single day you get up and fight like Hell to be OK, you can say no. You can tell someone, anyone, that you are not OK, that despite your very best efforts, you need help. I am not OK….

Read More Read More

All By Myself. ?>

All By Myself.

This post is for the Blog Exchange “Blog like nobody’s reading” prompt. Nine weeks ago I broke my foot. Which is pretty crappy in itself. The worst part though? It’s made me realise how alone I am. That I literally have no one I can ask for help. Of course my husband is fantastic, but he works long hours. My mother-in-law has been wonderful, driving me to appointments when she can, but she works also. So that’s it. For nine weeks I’ve…

Read More Read More

2015. ?>

2015.

At midnight, as the new millennium clicked over, the year 2000, I stood in the CBD of Melbourne. I swayed a little, drunk, as I strained to see the fireworks over the heads of the crowd that swarmed around me. I was with my boyfriend, who would one day become my husband, then soon after, my ex-husband. He was angry at me for the aforementioned drunken-ness. My new years resolution was quitting smoking; the first of many attempts. My work colleagues cat…

Read More Read More

The Window To My Soul ~ An Update. ?>

The Window To My Soul ~ An Update.

It’s been six weeks since my last major eye haemorrhage. My vision has slowly been deteriorating, even as my eyes begin to adjust more to limited vision. I have constant bruises on my body from where I bump into things, and misjudge doorways and bench tops. Being visually impaired whilst living with a three year old is like competing in a crazy obstacle course, blind folded. I end every day with pain killers, for the splitting headache caused by constant…

Read More Read More

The Window To My Soul. ?>

The Window To My Soul.

My windows are broken, and the shards are tugging and tearing at my soul. Yesterday I had another haemorrhage in my eye, the worst I’ve had in a long time. (You can read more about my battle with Diabetic Retinopathy here) The blood has clouded my vision so badly, I can barely see. As usual, the specialists have no answers. They can’t tell me why I have had another bleed. They can’t tell me why years of laser therapy hasn’t…

Read More Read More

One Moment Of Time. ?>

One Moment Of Time.

 *Trigger warning: This post may raise issues for readers who have experience with depression and/or suicide.*   I’m lying in bed writing this on my phone. I don’t know if I’ll publish it. I’ve always hated bloggers who appear to jump on a bandwagon. Turn a tragedy into blog fodder. The thing is, I can’t stop thinking about Charlotte Dawson. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that she has died. That there is no second chance, no opportunity for…

Read More Read More

R U OK? I wasn’t. ?>

R U OK? I wasn’t.

 *Trigger warning: This post may raise issues for readers who have experience with self-harm, depression or suicide.* This is the most difficult post I have written on my blog. It is a side of myself that I keep very private. What I am writing about will come as a surprise to most people I know including some very close friends.  And that is kind of the point. Mental illness is not black and white. It is not always obvious. It…

Read More Read More

Safety In Numbers. ?>

Safety In Numbers.

Last week, I felt myself slide into the dark hole that is guarded by the Black Dog. It had probably been coming for a little while. Sneaking up on me. I tend to ignore it, as if that will make a difference. Like if I can’t see it, it can’t see me. Until I find myself lying in bed, crying my eyes out, and feeling just so desperately sad. It is staring me in the eyes, and I can’t look…

Read More Read More