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Category: Mental Illness

That Damn Dog. ?>

That Damn Dog.

It starts with the tiredness. I wake exhausted. Does the exhaustion cause the depression or does the depression cause the exhaustion? Doesn’t matter, because by then it’s too late. Next come the tears. I am on the edge of crying every moment of the day. If I stop for a minute, and just think, the tears start to well. I can’t tell you why. Or I can. Because he’s back. The black dog. When the realisation hits that is what’s…

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Motherhood and Mental Illness. ?>

Motherhood and Mental Illness.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression over ten years ago, and have been medicated ever since. Most of the time, the medication works, and the Black Dog remains dormant. Every so often, out of the blue, he will come sniffing around again, and once more I fall in a hole, and have to fight my way back out again. Prior to meeting my now husband, and having our daughter, the low periods were not as noticeable. Not because I didn’t…

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How it feels. ?>

How it feels.

Once again, I am down low. In the hole. In the jaws of the black dog. How does it feel? I feel like I don’t have the energy to exist. That functioning is just such hard work. If I stop for a moment, and think, I cry. I don’t know why. It feels like everything is just too hard, and I just don’t know why. Nothing has happened, there was no instigation.  No straw that broke the camels back. It…

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The Black Dog. ?>

The Black Dog.

“Black Dog”-A metaphor, popularised by Winston Churchill, for the experience of a major depressive disorder. (Wikipedia) I am currently trying to hide from the Black Dog. It’s pretty clever. It sniffs you out, no matter where you try to hide. Anti Depressants do keep the Black Dog at bay, most of the time. But sometimes it gets so strong, it finds you anyway. Previously when it comes searching, I hide out, lay low, don’t answer my phone, don’t talk to…

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Depression is not a dirty word. ?>

Depression is not a dirty word.

Ten years ago I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. It wasn’t surprising really, there is a strong family history of depression and mental illness. My depression is an illness, caused by chemical imbalances in my brain. The medication balances out these chemicals, and prevents me from curling up in a ball and crying all day long. It’s all perfectly scientific. Like the insulin I take to balance out my blood sugars because I’m a Diabetic. There is nothing embarrassing…

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