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Autism. Where I Stand. ?>

Autism. Where I Stand.

I’m not one who courts controversy. I have strong opinions, and will often get fired up about things. Just ask my husband or online bestie Lisa. I often write a ranty blog post in my head whilst lying in bed at night even going so far as to put notes in my phone so I don’t forget. Then by morning I’ve calmed down a bit. Confrontation is not in my nature. Truth be told I’ve had enough drama in my…

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A is for Anxiety. ?>

A is for Anxiety.

A is for Anxiety. For her and for me. It is a strange world our little family of three have been living in, these past few months. The anxiety that has always been underlying Milla’s behaviour, has taken over, to the point where she is in a constant state of ‘fight or flight’. Her fear of traffic has become so extreme, that we no longer leave the house during the week, except for her appointments and classes. I take her…

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Dear Milla… ?>

Dear Milla…

Dear Milla, Sometimes it feels that life goes by so fast. We jump one hurdle, only to be faced with the next one. There is no time to celebrate our victories, for worrying about our challenges. I tend to dwell on the negatives, let them weigh me down. I think throughout my life, I have become so focused on the struggle, that I have stopped noticing the positives. For that, I am so sorry.  I want to take this opportunity…

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Wordless Wednesday ~ Santa! ?>

Wordless Wednesday ~ Santa!

The thing I love most about Santa photos, is having a record of how much Milla has grown over the previous twelve months. Milla had her very first Santa photo at two months old, however seeing as she was born two months premature, she was still teeny tiny, (2.6kgs, to be exact) and slept through the whole thing. I love this Santa, as he was obviously the real deal, not one of those poorly disguised ‘helper’ Santas… The following year,…

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Suspending Reality. ?>

Suspending Reality.

You would think at 33 years old, and having lived the life I’ve lived, I would have more of a grasp on reality, and grown out of childish fantasies. You would think. Confession- I regularly ‘cyber stalk’ my ‘fathers’; both step and birth father. I wonder about them. I wonder what they are doing, where they are living, if they are even still alive. To cut a long story short, I tracked down my cousins wife (from my birth fathers…

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I Jumped! ~ Wordless Wednesday ?>

I Jumped! ~ Wordless Wednesday

As you may remember, I have been raising money for the organisation Support for Mums, asking people to sponsor me to jump out of a plane, 14,000 feet in the air and hurtle back down to earth. Well, Saturday the 30th was the big day! Strangely I had been quite calm in the lead up to the jump, I actually think my husband was more nervous than I was. That is, until I started getting strapped into my harness… HOLY…

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Exhausted. ?>

Exhausted.

I’m exhausted. That type of exhaustion that you feel in your bones. You wake up in the morning, and before you even get out of bed, you’re exhausted. I feel like all I’ve done for the last twelve months, since we got our diagnosis, is worry and wait. Wait and worry. Waiting for services, for therapists, for appointments. Waiting to be able to access Early Childhood Intervention Services. Worrying about the choices I’m making. Is this the right occupational therapist…

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14,000 feet for Support For Mums. ?>

14,000 feet for Support For Mums.

When Milla made her unexpected arrival at 32 weeks premature, I think I spent those first few weeks in a state of shock. My husband and I drove nearly an hour each way daily, to sit beside our tiny little bubba in hospital, for nine hours a day.  We lived on hospital kiosk food and take away coffees. (You can read more about our NICU experience here) We spent every waking moment with our baby or traveling to see our…

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The Rules. ?>

The Rules.

There are a lot of rules in our house. Everything must be done in a certain way. Things must be in certain places, at certain times. Certain words must be used, or not used. We don’t make the rules. Autism does. If we don’t follow the rules, it takes hold of our beautiful, intelligent, funny daughter, and reduces her to a screaming, crying, mess. My husband and I walk around on egg shells, constantly on edge. We snap and argue…

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Safety In Numbers. ?>

Safety In Numbers.

Last week, I felt myself slide into the dark hole that is guarded by the Black Dog. It had probably been coming for a little while. Sneaking up on me. I tend to ignore it, as if that will make a difference. Like if I can’t see it, it can’t see me. Until I find myself lying in bed, crying my eyes out, and feeling just so desperately sad. It is staring me in the eyes, and I can’t look…

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