I am linking up with Dorothy from Singular Insanity this week, for “Things I Know”.
I know I have an amazing daughter. She is beautiful and funny and smart. She was born fighting, at 32 weeks, and is about to turn two years old next month. She has always been slightly delayed, particularly in her gross motor and language skills, but I never doubted she would catch up. She is a whirlwind of a child, always on the go. She can switch from happy to sad and back to happy again within minutes. She has little quirky behaviours, some of which make me laugh and some that make me tear my hair out. She charms everyone who meets her, and she knows it. She is perfect, to me.
I know that last month the paediatrician told us that she can see autistic traits in our daughter. That we should get her assessed, sooner rather than later. Last week we took her to the speech pathologist. I was worried, nervous, but I think deep down I really thought we would get told not to worry, that it was just a language delay. Instead we were given a referral to take her to a psychologist, for further assessment.
I know that I am really pissed off. I’m angry at the world, and I want to rage, to scream, DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, LEAVE HER ALONE. I have fought so damn hard to be a better person, to get my shit together, to give my daughter a normal life. I want her to have every opportunity in the world. I want her to grow up believing in herself, I never want her to feel small, and not worthy, like I did for so much of my life. I want to protect her, to take all of life’s punches in her place. Take my sight, take my ability to have more children, tie that bloody Black Dog to my front gate. I’ll fight it all, but leave her alone.
I know that we have a long road ahead of us. Specialists, assessments, reports. A diagnosis probably wont be made for at least a year. It could be argued that at two years old, she is too young to come to any definitive conclusion. So we just take each day as it comes, put one foot in front of the other, try to ignore the ‘What if’s’ and just focus on the ‘Today’.
I know that whatever the future brings, she will always be my baby girl, my Mooie. She will always be perfect to me. I will love her fiercely, adore her, be in awe of the miracle she is. I know whatever hurdles we are faced with, we will fight them. We are fighters, and fighters never stop fighting.
These are the things I know.