It has been oh so quiet here lately. My last blog post was on the 1st of November, LAST YEAR!
There was no wrap-up of 2016, no introduction to 2017. Just… tumbleweeds. Even my Facebook page has been fairly quiet, bar the odd viral meme. I don’t really have a definitive answer as to why. It’s not like I don’t have anything to say, I lay awake at night begging my brain to just STFU so I can sleep.
It kind of feels like when you leave it too long to call someone you should. Time passes, then too much time passes and suddenly it feels strange and awkward. What to say? Do they even want to hear from you anymore? Will they talk back to you? Or have they moved on, forgotten that connection that was once there?
Yes, I think too much. I over-analyse everything, when really I should just say- Hey! I’m back.
So, hey! I’m back!
2017 is nearly two months deep. Milla is back at school in grade one. The positives have been brilliant; no more tears at drop off, a much shorter ‘goodbye’ routine, the same teacher as last year so a smoother transition.
The negatives, well, they are being identified and addressed. We have Milla’s occupational therapist who she has been seeing on and off for the last three years starting fortnightly school visits and next week we are starting with a new speech pathologist. Over the last few months Milla has been engaging with a psychologist who has been working through her emotions with her and strategies to deal with her anxiety. Hundreds of dollars of therapy a month and a hell of a lot of effort, strength and courage from Miss Milla to overcome whatever hurdles she may face. A lot of faith from us that we are making the right choices and supporting her to the best of our ability.
Here’s another positive, I’ve been making friends with the school mums! Yep, actually having conversations, catching up for coffee, I even went to a dinner at the end of last year! I’m still just as socially awkward as always, but trying to make it work for me.
I have to say that I think the new medication I started last year is definitely helping to control my anxiety. Which is brilliant, I’d almost go as far as life changing. No longer on a Sunday night am I crippled by fear at having to ‘people’ on the Monday. Those voices in my head that tell me I’m an idiot and no-one wants to talk to me have quietened down and only pipe up again on the odd occasion. I’m so glad that I had the courage to change my meds and hang in there through the weaning off and on stage. (Let’s not talk about the recurrent night sweats that are still lingering, good still outweighs the bad)
I’m week three back in to running again, after a dismal two months over the school holidays. Basically, everything on my body currently hurts. I can’t quit though, I’m on the bloody website! Just keep running. It feels good to be back in to it, even when it feels bad.
So, that’s what’s been happening with me. Will sign off now, before I overthink the fact that I have just rambled on to the friend I haven’t rung for too long who possibly couldn’t care less about what’s been going on in my life.
I mean, I’m a blogger. Aren’t we all narcissists? ?